here I am at 25, in a settled almost 4 year relationship with this beautiful girl! I am finally at peace with myself. I’ve found myself after years of trying to “push” the gay away I guess you could
Say I finally gave in and decided to be real and be myself and be honest. I often think of what It was like my first girl crushes before I knew what a girl crush was I called it “looking up to”
Someone or “I just think they’re cool” to my parents! Little did I know these were legit feelings I had for these girls from age 8 on to now my first love was none other than my first babysitter haha yeah typical lesbian baby I guess she was wild and crazy, she had this hippie side to her and a beautiful pair of green/blue eyes and long straight dirty blonde hair her name was “bobby” I thought she was the coolest thing since sliced bread I loved hanging out with her she was my muse I named all my toys after her I pretended to be her when me and my little sister played make believe lol it was intense then she quietly faded from my life and I found a new love interest shortly after at church/school hardly my “type” I met another beauty named shae she showed me the littlest bit of attention and I was hooked on her. I love her talent and her strength, her innocence drew me to her we formed a bond over our troubled home lives we grew up together being buddies then one day she got married she asked that I be her flower girl and I agreed with joy to me it was my way of fair well to her. I still have a soft spot in my heart for her after all these years! Then I hit 8 years old I met my first love as a kid and my first heartbreaker she was another “damaged” kid from out of town and even older girl this time she was 14 maybe 15 when we first met I was captivated by her like nothing ever in my life she was more than beautiful to me she was like my angel sent to watch over me. I was experiencing some tough bullying at that time in my life she saved me on many occasions cause she too suffered the pain of being bullied she connected to me in this way I have still never felt again, she held me when I cried, she kissed my “boo boos” she made everything better in my shattered world I felt I was untouchable as long as my angel stayed near me. Then one day things got dark she no longer wanted to be a part of my life I stayed at her side for 3 short years then she left me behind and moved on with her life and my world fell apart without her it was as if she died and I was suddenly all alone I spent millions of hours of my life thinking of her and crying for her to please come back and love me like she once did but sadly she never did love me again. She would stop to see every once in awhile my heart would freeze and shatter again everytime she would go away again it took me about half my life to fully get over her my first heartbreak it still burns a little deep inside to say her name out loud. By 15 I was healing up nicely new town new school cool new friends and women crushes everywhere…I’m talking older women some old enough to be my mom I was so intrigued by these women and drooling every time they turned their backs I quickly got over my crazy crushes when I met Pape I was 17 going on 18 she was 15 going on 16 a rocker EMO….LESBIAN! Her mom also a super hot lesbian with a sexy girlfriend I was amazed! These women were what I wanted to be like but was so afraid! they taught me a lot over the years I grew up with them I finally was accepting who I was and I couldn’t get enough it was a roller coaster hanging with them and I loved every second Pape and I always remained platonic we connected on a deeper family level but it didn’t stop me from wondering about her she was so cool and just what I wished I could be. Fast forward to 2010 I am 21 and now brave enough to start experimenting I make this random connection with a lifelong friend she expressed her interest in females she was the first person I came out to and we shared rather intimate moments together, lines were drawn and quickly crossed we set our lifelong friendship on fire that night and for months I watched it burn away until there was nothing left of us at all….heart shattered for the second time! I was in the painful process of getting over her when I met my one true angel at 22 she was young and wild and restless and I was captivated by her hunger for life. She smiled one smile, said one simple hello gave me one amazing hug and I was a goner!! Falling madly deeply in love with this girl…this “straight girl” I was amazed and terribly afraid of getting burn by her but I threw caution out the window I craved her every night I laid awake wondering what this perfect beautiful girl tasted like. And soon we shared a perfect kiss under the heavens in a perfect moment I knew I’d spend the rest of my life loving her no matter what and I haven’t stopped craving her since.